Into the Valley of Death: The Ultimate 9th Age Cavalry Star-Off (Part I)

There is an undeniable romance to a full blown cavalry charge (though they make for tricky Valentine’s Day presents). The thundering hooves of regal destriers, turf flying, lowering lances, raised sabers. That silent heartbeat before untold tonnes of muscle crashed into the nervous ranks of the enemy... It's better than chocolate.

No wonder it took so long for the concept to die out on the battlefield. Long after the reduced smoke on battlefields and repeating guns made the concept a clear display of mankind’s insanity, generals (who seem to have a well established track record of insanity) and field commanders (who you'd think would know better) alike tried to utilise the sweeping power of a cavalry charge to win the day.

Regardless of the fact that in the modern day traditional cavalry has been replaced by helicopters and metal boxes (though saying that, I work near enough to Horse Guards in London that I see more than my fair share of 'proper' cavalry), cavalry have always, and will forever remain, the nobility of the battlefield.

Their true battlefield effectiveness has always been a matter of some debate. Sure, it is universally accepted that light horse were the ultimate weapon in routing a defeated enemy (and the great Mongol conquests speak to themselves), but for all the obvious prowess of a heavy cavalry charge, their success through the ages has, at best, been mixed (for all that some Spaniards conquered the New World with a couple of horses and some lovely homebrew diseases). Be it mobile horse archers refusing to engage with the armoured might of invading crusaders in middle eastern deserts, lowly peasant archers destroying the nobility of France on muddy fields through to the gritty discipline of British troops forming square against that rebirth of chivalrous cavalry that were Napoleon’s Cuirassiers, Dragoons, Lancers, Chasseurs and Hussars, cavalry has been in a bad place for a long time.

Throwing unsupported cavalry against a prepared positions has been a recipe for disaster throughout the history of war – perhaps nowhere more so than the tragic miscommunication that led to the decimation of the Light Brigade to Russian gun emplacements at the Battle of Balaclava.

This being said, as in most things, theory and the reality often have a rather estranged (if not completely divorced) relationship with each other. For all that you could read volumes on the folly of cavalry as a front line battle weapon, when a cavalry charge is mentioned I can’t help picture the charge of the Scots Greys to the rescue of their beleaguered infantry comrades.

The fact of the matter is that cavalry is just fundamentally more exciting than infantry – and it’s not even like I have a love for horses (have spent far too much of my life cleaning horse stalls in the Kentucky summer heat to like them all that much).

Maybe it’s the off-the-shoulder coat thing?


Alexander the Great and other great leaders have always known the truth of war – the key is to hit hard, hit fast, and bring such a concentration of power to a point on the battlefield that you will smash beyond recovery.

As the spiritual successors of great generals of bygone ages, the single greatest thing a wargamer can experience (once they have crushed enemies and put up with the lamentations of their women) is to bring to bear the full unmitigated power of a cavalry charge on a hapless foe.

Only thus is a true victory earnt and immortality achieved.




What am I going on about? Well , someone mentioned in passing that most armies can ‘bus it up’ in 9^th Age.

This got me thinking.

This may or may not be true. The world of The 9^th Age is arguably scarier for mounted troops than 8^th Edition Warhammer ever was – the removal of character walls and the old Crown of Command, twinned with the rise of the humble shield and spear would all imply that this is indeed the case.

But viability is irrelevant. Did the soldiers of the Light Brigade stop and point out that charging well positioned and prepared artillery positions up a canyon was ‘not viable’? No, they did not. They stiffened those lips and charged headlong into the jaws of death and into the marbled halls of immortality.

As in real life, the most effective way to play is almost uniformly the dullest. So park your sensible brains at the door and join me on a journey of short articles as I endeavour to discover who can field the most terrifying cavalry star in the game.


What am I looking for?

• Size – a true cavalry charge is not 5 models hurtling across the table. I need a unit that looks daunting.
• Commitment – an army has to be dedicated to this most noble art of war. You *will* be putting as many characters in the unit as possible. Less than 50% of your army in the unit is not acceptable.
• Power – can it pulverise the opposition?
• Survivability – we are talking heavy cavalry here. It should be able to laugh off the puny projectiles your opponent can bring to bear.
• Miscellaneous – that impossible to classify certain something that an army brings that helps make this unit a viable army.
• Awesomeness – will it stop a passer-by and make them want to watch the game?

Being a true scientist of war, I shall work my way through the armies, one or two at a time, and sketch out the rough outline of what full blown cavalry star they can bring to bear (and have a brief look at what else the army could bring to the party.

So, unimpeachable rationale out of the way – on to the contest!



BEAST HERDS –

Nothing like something unorthodox to get the ball rolling. Looking through the veritable filth fest that is the Beast Herds list, it was clear there were some hard choices to be made. Do you go with Centaurs or Chariots? There was some epic soul searching (it’s ok; I think I’ve found it now). In the end, despite the many fun things you can do with a half-horse man (and there are many), I had to turn them down (primarily because I do not like them – call me racist). Fundamentally, however, they were not riding anything, which is kind of the point of cavalry.

No, for the mighty goats of the blood thirsty forests there was only one option – a Chariot Star. Things start off well with Raiding Chariots coming from Core, though it was disappointing to find out you could only have a unit of three. They are, bizarrely, Strider (Forest), which does help a lot.

The cake’s base layer appears set. Time to add the meat.

What better lead this glorious mess of wood, goat and pig than not one, but TWO Beast Lords (though you could go for three I guess if you like your goats more naked than others do). Being Lords and all, they get to ride Razortusk Chariots if they want to. And because having 5 Toughness 5 Wounds on a stupidly tough chassis is a Good Thing, they do. Maybe one takes a Hunting Horn, because you may as well play the trumpets as you ride to war. For equipment, I would probably go along the lines of Talisman of Supreme Shielding, Ogre Sword and Dragonscale Helm on the General, and Dusk Stone, Giant Sword and Hardened Shield on the other.

Every army needs a Battle Standard, so up steps the first of a trio of Chieftains on Raiding Chariots. Points start getting tight, but some cool items should be slotted in here. Maybe a Gem of Fortune, Dark Rain and/or a Charm of Cursed Iron would make sense to make the lives of those boring people that like to shoot you that much harder. Going another (more goat balls out) way, maybe the Gourd of Beetles could be handy.

As I’ve heard said - you get magic dice, so you may as well use them. Cue a Soothsayer on a Raiding Chariot with two levels of magic (Wilderness, naturally) and that trusty staple – the dispel scroll.


So, there we have it, +/- 1415 points spent on a chariot star. Nine models strong, there are several approaches to take. 9 across, inflicting a sexy 9d6+2 S5 impact hits (if you managed to find a target wide enough). With a frontage of 5 (and 4 supporting) you get a tasty 5D6+2 S6 impact hits on any unfortunate unit you charge. Or, maybe you trust yourself not to lose any of them on the way in and go in 3x3 inflicting 3D6+2 S7 hits before the combat starts (accept any challenges with someone from the second rank for additional impact hit fun).

Once there, you have 4 Attacks at S8 and S7 (rerolling to hit) from the insanely durable Lords, plus all the plethora of additional attacks a charging chariot brings to the party. Any Wilderness spells go off and you are in profit mode.

Assuming the 5&4 configuration, you are delivering, on average, around 19S6 auto hits before combat starts. It could be very tasty.

You will need to get the charge, of course. But the beautiful thing here is that a) you are using Beast Herds, so there is plenty of chaff to be had and b) you have more than enough points left over to do it.

You could take chaff in core, but I think I like the idea of three ambushing Wildhorn units to ambush on, throwing stuff around and trying to capture objectives (and threaten artillery etc). From here you have a blank canvas with over 500 points to spend. Perhaps three units of Gargoyles to set up the charges, or some Razortusk. You have enough points to buy chaff AND add an additional combat unit (or two).


Flavour to taste – a unit of 8 or so Minotaurs? A full sized Razortusk Herd? Two Gortachs? It's all good.

It’s all about Cavalry, as we know. That said, we also know that Cavalry works much better in conjunction with the other arms of war. This is particularly true here, as it turns out Goats are so nimble on their wooden carts that they won’t be breaking steadfast anytime soon.
Concept list:

• Beast Lord, Heavy Armour, Shield, Ogre Sword, Dragonscale Helm, Talisman of Supreme Shielding, Razortusk Chariot
• Beast Lord, Heavy Armour, Hardened Shield, Giant Sword, Dusk Stone, Razortusk Chariot
• Beast Chieftain, Heavy Armour, Shield, Battle Standard Bearer, Raiding Chariot
• Beast Chieftain, Heavy Armour, Shield, Raiding Chariot
• Beast Chieftain, Heavy Armour, Shield, Raiding Chariot
• Soothsayer, level 2 (Wilderness), Dispel Scroll, Raiding Chariot
• 3 Raiding Chariots

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

• 20 Wildhorns, fcg, thrown weapons, Ambush
• 2x 15 Wildhorns, fcg, thrown weapons, Ambush
• 3 x 5 Gargoyles
• 2 x Gortach (or 8 Minotaurs, or 30 Longhorns etc)

So there you have it. For what it’s worth – I think this could be a fun list to play with

Where will the furious piggies rank in the great scheme of things when all accounts are settled?

Only time will tell!



Next up: Daemon Legions (this could be interesting...)




Until next time!



Raf

The Ultimate Raff-off: Magic Weapons

Sometimes (though admittedly rarely) Enough really is Enough.

Sometimes you have to awaken from the mundane sameness of your everyday existence and make a stand for what really matters.

Precisely which pebble breaks the camel’s back is entirely dependent on the stubbornness of the camel in question.

Admittedly, being an easy-going capitalist ungulate and largely somehow surviving a sea of the firstest of first world problems, the times in life when I feel the drive to answer such a drastic call to action are conveniently rare. There was that time the coffee machine broke for three hours at the office, some stupidly written comp packs and, most notably, the time when they increased the cost of beer at university.

These were moments where heroes of justice were born, the flaming sword of justified discourse unleashed under the mighty wings of an idealistic (and thankfully imaginary, hence no guano problems) cherub horde. The doomed nature of these crusades dimmed the burning righteousness of protests not at all.

So, what has happened to rouse the wrath of Raf? After all, terrifyingly hilarious, depressing and devastating things occur around us all on a weekly basis across all walks of life and interest, leaving neither politics, sports, films or war gaming untouched. And no comment from the Raf is forthcoming.

Great events are invariably the offspring of the simplest of things – displaced water, a dropping apple, the choice between a red and a blue pill.

Following these events nothing we know will ever be the same again.

In this particular case it is harder to pin down a singular event, though it is clear that it’s largely a by-product of that bottomless well of entertainment and rage (and entertaining rage), the internet.

The Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} have, these past months, set their many minions the task of working the forges at the dark heart of their fastness with one single mission – the enslavement of mankind deliver v1.0 of the 9^th Age.

This is known.

What is not known is that they have been drugging the great unnamed masses of the internet.

“How?” I hear the naïve reader ask.

Who knows, but any self-respecting faceless conclave has its ways. It is probably some diabolical mix of subtle behavioural engineering and powdered Jägermeister. The end result, as was seen in the run up to the publication of v1.0, has been highly effective – players sticking to their races on the forums hoping that, for the first time ever, that repeating the same suggestions *just one more time* will have its desired effect. There are exceptions of course – Elven players were heard grumbling that the effort of remembering all the special rules they keep being given is causing them sleepless nights, and the valiant players over at the Kingdom of Equitaine were clearly signed up to a paid-per-post contract, and are too busy being active for anyone to know what on earth is actually going on.

Over all this exquisitely choreographed madness the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} sat in their enshadowed chambers, the echoes of their chuckles slowly dying across the tear-moistened flagstones.

Why does this, of all things, rouse the author’s wrath (a wrath notably unroused by the very death of a beloved game that brought so many hours of joy (and rage) to us all)?

I am not saying I am the Chosen One (though feel free to do so, if you must), but today I have finally awoken from the Matrix we have been ensnared into. Without any of us even realising, our omnipresent overlords have engineered the internet into… I hardly dare say it… a productive place. Vast amounts of playtesting fed back to informed people, deep discussions on the minutiae of balance, venting the furiously disjointed views of those who simply want it all...

My friends, we are living in a machine.

Now is the time to rise up and face our (probably at least partially mechanical) overlords and fight to take back to internet back to what it was truly meant for! (No, not naughty pictures you idiot - even the Coven could not put a stop to that).

I (obviously) mean three key things:

• Boldly set out views


• Sticking to opinions no matter what


• Ranking things in lists

This beautiful trinity simultaneously brings forth an entity Neil Gaiman must surely count amongst his new gods, Argument, and slays that heinous opiate of the masses, Productivity.

Geek rage - the whole point of the internet

So, enough of helpful suggestions to the Coven’s minions, enough playtesting of ideas. No. Now is the time to rank some stuff!

Where better to start that trope of adventure (arguably) older than age itself – magic weapons?

Be it Caliburn or Excalibur, the Honjo Masamune or the swords of Gryffindor or Truth, be they Glamdring, Andúril or Sting, magic weapons have captivated the imaginations of Man for centuries beyond count.

They invariably speak to a better, purer time when the creators, now long lost to the mists of time, were at one with the mythical powers of creation themselves.

The ultimate test of a civilization, after all, is how effective it is at killing people…

So, time to have a look at what weapons the various armies are bringing to the war torn battlefield. But… how can they be usefully compared? Is there some complex mathematical equation that will account for the various variables and tell us the truth according to Isaac Newton?

No, thankfully, as I have always been rather fatigued by mathematics.

Being a geek, and needing some fuel to be able to scream my truth at the world, there was, obviously, a spreadsheet. Here I scored the weapons according to the three most important criteria, marking each out of a maximum score of 5.

• Usability (does the likely bearer lose too much by having it)


• Damage (kind of the point)


• Uniqueness (the most important one – is there a “wow” here? Does it do stuff that normal weapons don’t?)

Using my complex analytical skills, I established the best of each race as am initial knock out round:

Beast Herds:

The Impaler – Well, turns our being a goat doesn’t stop one making exquisite weapons. This weapon has it all: coolness married to damage in both shooting (which the army lacks) and combat.

Daemon Legions:

Being racists, these boys insist on having a whole bunch of their own weapons – but most are extremely underwhelming (disappointing given they are magic made flesh…). Their offerings range from the downright terrible (Trident of Torment (what a name!) and Mortal Blade), through to the initially eye-catching, but actually quite dull, Eternal Blade. The pick of the them all for me was, in the end, the Lash of Lust. Sure the damage is likely to not be incredible, but it’s very cool, and allows a massively expensive Daemon to have an effect outside of the dangerous habitats of combat and magic. Also, you always get points for alliteration.

Dread Elves:

These elves historically steal all the cool stuff. The Headsman’s Axe is the weapon that set me off on this path – bringing not only brutal combat damage output, but also some wicked combos with the armour available to them. Just a cool axe.

Dwarven Holds

In the time honoured tradition of picking on short people, I should discount the Dwarven Holds - it’s a bit too easy after all. But no, they obviously make incredible weapons that can be wielded by effective, well protected characters. Some combination of the Runes of Destruction and Smashing plus anything else is easily one of the most powerful weapons in the game. That said, somewhat surprisingly, they are lacking in the *cool* factor (other than the Smashing mechanic), it would have been nice to see a thrown weapon or something here.

Empire of Sonnstahl

I almost went for the Star Mace here – there are plenty of models in this army that would benefit from it, but the sheer fear that The Sonnstahl brings to the table cannot be ignored. An easy 1+ armour save for the wielder just adds to the threat.

Highborn Elves

These elves are often accused of being a bit dull… and their weapons don’t help them out all that much. The Spear of the Blazing Dawn is quite a cool concept (and, in the right situation, flat out cool), but just doesn’t do enough. The Great Bow of Elu is flat out dull. It wins though because, whilst being dull, you can still use it a lot.

Infernal Dwarfs

I am reliably told these little blighters exist… and they bring the heat. The Blade of Burning Steel is *very* cool. It is also, unfortunately, a bit rubbish. The Onyx Hammer is a hammer, which is always a good start. It also really punishes people that don’t like fire – giving that the army has ways of dishing out Flammable, this is very cool

Kingdom of Equitaine

The mighty peasant-crushing heroes are lighter on weapons than I would have thought. Despite being, well, obvious, the Dragon Lance is the stand out – in the right set up (and in the right matchup) it is singlehandedly looking to remind the world of the true awesome power of a charge by a fully armoured knight. Once in three dozen times it even succeeds in doing so.

Ogre Khans

This was another close run things between the far cooler Heart Ripper and the majestic destruction of Khagadai’s Maul. In the end I thought Multiple Wounds (D3) was too good to pass up for an effective 30 points (this may be because my armies don’t have much multi-wound, and I am jealous).

Orcs & Goblins

Another tough one – having experienced Maza’s Zappin Bow I am well aware of how annoying it can be! But probably a tad too situational to be all that good. The Axe of the Aporcalypse benefits from not only causing a lot of damage, but also nicely fits the army’s theme.

Saurian Ancients

Those lizards really like their toys don’t they? I wanted to go for the Sword of the Dawn Ages, because it is exactly the type of weapon I approve of. It doesn’t, unfortunately, come close to the coolness of the Spear of the Stampede, or the beautiful utility of the Serpent Bow. In the end the coolness of the Spear just wins out.

Sylvain Elves

So, I appreciate it is not obvious (seriously, who would expect woods to be the home of massive forges), but these hippy elves bring a lot of coolness to the party. The clear winner for me is the Whirlwind Blade – given who can wield it, it raises a question: is this the best weapon in the game?

Vermin Swarm

Ah. Now here is a cute race that seriously knows how to make weapons. Ignore all else. With S10 Divine Attacks with Multiple Wound (D6), The Doom Blade is *the* nuclear weapon of the 9^th Age.

Undying Dynasties

These guys like their swag (makes sense, if you are going through the bother of being buried with it all). Both their weapons are cool, but the Vanquisher Eternal is just in a class of its own. A simply incredible weapon.

Vampire Covenant

So… these immortals have managed to keep their clawed hands on all of one unique magic weapon? And… a truly terrible one at that? This weapon does what the army already does (keep stuff alive a little bit), with no increase in damage output. The Blade of Red Thirst gets a prize, like a terrible Chaos Dwarf player in 8^th Edition Warhammer, simply by virtue of being the only one there.

Warriors of the Dark Gods

A warrior race is sure to value its weapons, one would assume. Actually though, not really, they only bring two to the party, and the Burning Blade of Chaos probably wins out despite the Spear of Gagnir’s coolness. Cheap enough to allow the wielder protection, it causes a real mess on the table. Sure, it has its hard counters, but for me that adds to the coolness of it.

So – out finalists entering the final arena to fight for their race’s eternal glory are set, how did they perform in the end?:

• 16^th: Vampire Covenant’s Blade of Red Thirst. Insipid, uninspiring performance. An embarrassment to their race.

• 15^th: Highborn Elves’ Great Bow of Elu. There is no way it’s Great, but I guess at the very least it’s a bow


• 14^th: Kingdom of Equitaine’ s Dragon Lance. A lance that hits harder on the charge just isn’t very exciting.


• 13^th: Daemon Legions Lash of Lust. It’s cool, and kinky, just not all that impressive.


• 12^th: Ogre Khan’s Khagadai’s Maul. Hits like a train, but just doesn’t get you all hot and bothered about it.


• 11^th: Beast Herd’s The Impaler – goat-forged throwing lances are cool.


• 10^th: Orcs and Goblins’ Axe of the Aporcalypse – hits like a train and fits perfectly while it’s at it.


• 9^th: Infernal Dwarves’ Onyx Hammer – Subtle like an evil Dwarf with a big hat

• 8^th: Saurian Ancients’ Spear of the Stampede – potentially the coolest weapon out there.


• 7^th: Empire of Sonnstahl’ s The Sonnstahl – I mean, it’s in the race’s name after all! Pity only humans can use it.


• 6^th: Warriors of the Dark Gods’ Burning Blade of Chaos – highly effective, and quite cool. Just… not *that* cool.


• 5^th: Dwarven Hold’s Some Dwarven weapon – kicks like a mule, dull like a rock. Sort of fitting really


• 4^th: Dread Elves’ Headsman’s Axe - +3 S at I8 is hard to argue with, and multiple wounds 2 just makes it tasty. The synergies with other things in the army are brutal

And the final three:

• 3^rd: Sylvain Elves and their Whirlwind Blade – simply brutally effective. Against most opponents this weapon has the wielder going first, hitting on 3s at s6 with Multiple Wounds 2. Not many characters don’t fear this (presumably recycled) weapon. The fact it’s on a Sylvain Elf (with all the cool things they can do) and randomly gives +1 armour makes this one cool weapon.


• 2^nd: Undying Dynasties’ Vanquisher Eternal – probably the coolest weapon in the game. Multiple ways to be wielded depending on what you are fighting, and wielded by a powerful combat model. It’s powerful, scary and cool. The complete package.


• 1^st: The Vermin Swarm and The Doom Blade - if you absolutely, positively, want to kill every last… anything… in the room, accept not substitutes. Frankly, this is hilariously powerful. Add in a splash of ‘can hurt yourself’ spiciness and you have the poster child of awesomeness – Iron Man would be seriously jealous.

#Winner

So, there you have it. Officially*, Vermin Swarm are the best and Vampire Covenant the worse.

*I think that’s how that works…

So there we have it, my blow against productivity and an attempt to start the internet reverting true self. If you disagree, you are probably wrong – you may have forgotten, but there was an actual spreadsheet used here. Learn how the internet works (seriously).

Until next time

Raf

Fantasy Battles: The 9th Age Rulebook - a Raffview

A short time ago I was accosted by some burly gentlemen. This event was initially entirely missed by me, being after all a common occurrence in London. This led to a rather embarrassing exchange where it was made clear to me this was in fact an ominous event to be taken very seriously (they looked really awkward about it, bless them). The ensuing game of charades (turns out the minions of the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} are *actually* faceless…) made things clear – I was to write about the newly released rules for The 9^th Age – diversions into the festivities of discussing army books was actively discouraged (seriously, they have means). Being rather British about things, I stiffened that upper lip and went in search for a bull to grasp.





So…


How does one review something that sets out to be the source of all things? Can one critically analyse that which will become the very essence of ubiquity? The importance of it is so obvious, yet surely it lacks some… well, sex appeal?


It’s like getting excited about the foundations of your dream house. Sure, it’s fantastic that they are there – and getting them right is paramount for all that will follow, but it’s much more fun to talk about the indoor swimming pool you are putting in, and that home cinema that you have planned.

I mean, obviously you *can* review works of great importance:

The Bible (all the action is in the first act, lots of talking later on), The Lord of the Rings (a lot of walking (and singing), and yet, so much more), The Karma Sutra (lacks narrative drive, but can have a decent climax) can obviously all be reviewed. The problem with reviewing the rules of The 9th Age is that the rules themselves are the toolset – it’s akin, in some ways, to reviewing a wrench. Sure, there is probably a rabid online community out there obsessed with the finer points of wrenches, but but the average person probably struggles to really excited.



Thankfully, being an old fashioned sort of chap, I know full well that just because something is hard to do does not mean it should not be done. Easier said than done though…


So, how to go about this?


I guess any work looking at reviewing something has to presuppose some level of underlying competence to allow for any meaningful discourse whatsoever. In this case we’ll just go ahead and make the following assumptions about the reader:

• Has the ability to read the English language, married to appropriate life experiences to allow for at least some degree of comprehension
• Has access to some internet-enabled device
• Know what tabletop miniature wargaming is
• Has a working knowledge of a much beloved fantasy table top wargame that died last year, Warhammer Fantasy Battles, including its varied (and often infuriating) intricacies.

Not too much to ask for really, but that last point is key. Thought it is self-evidently a very different game, the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending}, much like fellow illuminati member Sir Isaac Newton, owes much to the giants upon whose shoulders they stand astride.


With this baseload of knowledge we can have a look at what has changed in the creation of the 9^th Age, instead of effectively re-writing the whole book. Having said that… I am going to have let you into a little secret - most tournament regulars actually have only a vague recollection of the contents of the rulebook, learning mostly from playing, watching games being played, and some weird form of genetic memory of various other games pieced together.


Something really needs to be said right at the top:


This effort to create, from the ground up, a ruleset to allow games of fantasy battles to be played with the clearest, most competitive framework the world has ever seen is nothing short of a herculean task. All my talk of presumptive knowledge has sensibly been tossed out, this rulebook has to make sense to someone who wouldn’t know the difference between an Elf and a garden gnome.


The important thing of course, the thing the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} and their cohorts are sweating over even as I type, is whether I think they have done a good job.


Why (asks any sensibly minded person who happens to read this)? This is the age of the internet, and individual opinions, however uninformed, are king. Obviously.

Fantasy Battles: The 9^th Age Rulebook is weighty tome (well, depending on what you are reading it on) coming in at 117 pages.


There is a beautiful succinctness to the rules, helped, no doubt, by not being coloured by flavour text that companies such as Games Workshop use to great effect.


The very first paragraph of the book tells you that Fantasy Battles: The 9^th Age is:

• Abbreviated to The 9^th Age
• Is a miniature wargame
• Played by two players
• On a 4 by 6 foot table
• Using six sided dice

That makes it all pretty clear, right?

The Scale of the Game


As mentioned above, careful pouring over main rules is not something I historically do much. As such it is perhaps not surprising that I had not even noticed the interesting aside under The Scale of the Game section. In this, frankly academic, article representative scale is discussed, an interesting point that I am not entirely sure I have given much thought to.


From here we start getting into actual rules, and, like all good rules systems, we have the setting of the parameters, and a whole swathe of terms are defined.

Important clarifications right up front include an ironclad ruling on Simultaneous Effects, which we can all approve of (at the same time, but I get to approve of it first…). Telling one how to roll dice may seem a bit redundant, but you have to accommodate for all experience levels I guess.


The diagrams showing us how many models are hit under templates is fantastically useful should you be playing against a morally corrupt individual that would bring template weaponry to the table. Do not trust these people.



I’ll not go blow by blow over all that is written in the book – seriously, just read it – but instead will cherry-pick things that I think are interesting:

Line of Sight: an abstract and simple system is used here. You can see through things unless they are bigger than you or classified as Obscuring Terrain. Nice and simple.

Model Sizes are broken down into 3 types: Small (basically, stompable), Medium (basically, non-stompable) and Large (those with an actual rule calling them Large). Easy to remember.


The rules governing the Board Edge are amongst my favourite- you can temporarily move up to 50% of a unit off the board (as long as you end up fully on). This is great vs those that don’t know this rule as you can sometimes bypass blockers on the flanks. And it makes sense, which this author (broadly) approves of.


Some things I never consider until they come up (normally once in every 50 games or so) are also cleared up – for example, the order of characteristic modifications is set in stone:

• Borrowed or set
• Multiplications
• Addition and subtraction

Building armies


One of the design principals for T9A was clearly to curb what players of Warhammer 40k disparagingly refer to as ‘spam’. This is laudable for two rather important reasons. Firstly, spam is boring for everyone. Secondly, it inevitably leads to just cramming in as much of the best possible stuff in a list as possible. Now, WFB 8^th edition also prevented unit spam, so nothing too mad going on here, but the interesting thing our overlords have done is stamp out on character spam. This is a good thing – as novel as it was the first time you saw someone field a dozen Engineers in a Skaven list, it quickly became very dull. No more of that in T9A.


Another thing the powers moved quickly to do is to further limit the characters that really matter – 35% of a list can be spent in Lords. This stops anyone having their cake and eating it too (even though arguably that’s the whole point of cake), but has resulted in me in getting a calculator out to work out what 35% of 2500 is *many* times…

Deployment Types & Missions


Those of us who remember Warhammer 8^th edition will recall that scenarios were very much a part of the official game. The issue was that, of the six scenarios available, two had ‘auto-win’ conditions, and two had mechanics that messed with that key part of the game – deployment. This left Pitched Battle and Battle for the Pass (essentially a sideways Pitched Battle) as arguably the only two balanced ones. Perfectly serviceable, and perfectly boring after some time.


T9A has tackled this issue by creating a nice matrix of sorts. Three deployment types, commonly referred to as ‘classic’, ‘diagonal’ and ‘confusing’ all have immediate tactical implications. Layered on top of this are the four distinct scenario types.


Whilst avoiding the trap of “auto-win” conditions, by capping wins at 17-3 and awarding 3 full points for accomplishing the scenario, they have made them exceptionally important.


Crucially, the four scenarios, at a basic level, all encourage different things, meaning that an army built to accomplish all should hypothetically be nice and flexible – an inbuilt level of comp as it were.

• Hold the Ground encourages a powerful deathstar-esque approach (or a flood of smaller scoring units)
• Breakthrough encourages multiple fast scoring units that ideally aren’t that necessary to your army
• Capture the Flags actively discourages weak scoring units
• Secure Target actively discourages a deathstar approach

They all, of course, emphasise the need for banners in an army, which does hurt some more than others, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Deployment


Historically the deployment phase has been a weird beast. Lots of time was spent on the meta-tactical theory of deployment numbers to try and increase the chance to going first. T9A has changed the dynamics here, and made it into a whole new game within the game.


No longer do you only have to alternate deployments (though this is the default). Now you can carp the diem and make a play for first turn (or, if you are weird like me, the second turn). You can drop your whole army down and guarantee first turn, but at the cost of your opponent being able to react to your deployment.


This is a fascinating dynamic that opens a lot of list options (there are some fast lists that can do some crazy stuff turn one, or gunlines that need to time to let loose the dogs of war), but does, as of yet, seem to be overused by players. As ever, the right balance is key – though admittedly, some of the really fast lists that go want to go first are often mobile enough to counter any enemy deployments.


This is arguably biggest innovation of this game. It is a Very Good Thing

Movement


The movement phase, by and large, will be familiar to players of previous games, though they have removed some of the abuses that resulted from the abstract nature of the much loved rectangles we use so much. As a result, yes, everything has to be at least an inch from each other, but you can now come closer than that, as long as you finish further – no more silly blocking with nothing but the notion of personal space. Other issues have also been dealth with (like random situations where charges were impossible for a variety of reasons). A cool little touch is that a unit with a champion automatically completes a charge if they would need to roll 4 or less to do so, which is cute. This is all a Good Thing.

Rallying


Another interesting little change in T9A is what happens to the remnants of fleeing units. No longer does the fleeing sole survivor of a proud Knights of the Dark Gods unit need to roll a natural 2 to rally. Now you simply half their leadership – they are shaken up, but more disciplined troops are more likely to rally than cowards. Another Good Thing.


Running away blindly through enemy units and impassable terrain is also much more dangerous enterprise than it used to be – the average Joe has a 50% chance of death these days, which seems about right, as I would equate that as slightly more dangerous than getting the Northern Line to work in the mornings.

Magic


It comes as no surprise that the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} set about changing up magic in a big way. No more unpredictable game changing spells seemed to be the order of the day.


It will surprise the casual reader then that the phase is, in broad strokes, the same. Sure, there are fewer magic dice (you can only get one dice from channelling for example), and there is less craziness – Overwhelming Power no longer makes a spell undispellable, which means you get an interesting choice – try and prevent the spell, or let it through and make the wizard suffer a miscast. A nice touch.


It’s generally harder to cast now too – wizards only get +1 or +2 to cast as a default, and casting modifiers are capped overall – about time those fancy dress wearing spell chuckers have to work for a living. This is a good thing.


My favourite mechanic in this phase comes into play very rarely. There is a strict order in when remains in play are dispelled. If the opponent misses this window, the active player can end the phase and the spell continues. A very cool little thing mini game of poker.


As readers of the book would have grown used to by now, there are clearly defined types of spells that work together to clearly set out possible targets and effects. All very clean and efficient (as opposed to being written by rambling Englishmen)


The spells themselves are interesting (and broadly less powerful than players of another game would be used to), with the new lore attributes being a very cool touch – but this is a topic for another time.

Shooting


That most hated of phases (unless I am using Saurian Ancients, obviously) will be very familiar to players of an older game – the main change really is a standardising of the line of sight system. Thankfully it still feels somehow natural, whilst making the abstractions of things like hills count for something in tactical game play.


Oh – nowadays cannons have to roll to hit like the long rifles they are. Makes them much less good at character sniping (seriously, close to opening a bottle of champagne!), whilst still annoyingly good at the thing they are meant to do – punch monsters in the face. This is such a Good Thing I feel rather emotional.

Close Combat


This phase – the time when heroes are born and trusted friends conspire with the evil dice gods to break your heart time and again.


The basics will be familiar to you – the biggest change beautifully removes one of those abstract game mechanics that dominated the tables of literally years – you can now always hit the rank and file of a unit (yes, goodbye Ogre character walls). This is big – and actually robs characters of a lot of their use.


Further down the path of annoying overpaid leaders and elite of your armies are the mechanics for the humble shield. Now holding a sturdy door between you and your opponent means they will miss half the time – this is big for big useless blocks of troops to do their job. It took me a while to get over my Vampire Knights failing epically to do much of anything against some skinks. Scratch that – I am not actually over it….


Other little touches are also cool – clarity on disruption = no more steadfast (and bigger bonuses for engaging a unit in the flanks and rear in sufficient mass) all actively encourage smart tactical manoeuvres.


There is a big change (that also applies for shooting) that people need to be aware of – hits are now allocated by the attacked, not the defender. This most commonly comes up when there are only a few rank and file left around some characters, but is also big in situations like cavalry characters in infantry – no more hiding from bolt throwers for them!

Characters also work in different ways now in two key ways – refusing a challenge no longer means move the characters, they just now can’t attack – this is big, as it’s no longer a handy escape hatch. The other is that, whilst they can still ‘make way’, this movement is severely restricted – effectively just within the front rank. Now a flank or rear charge on a unit containing scary characters are more viable than ever.


Not to blow too much smoke up any skirts or anything, but overall all this has to be seen as a Good Thing.

Troop Types


Most of the work here is as you would expect – but there are a couple of big things. Gone are the old annoying mechanics of randomising hits and things between rider and the ridden, and no longer need a separate infantry model for when the monster/chariot inevitably died beneath them.


That architype of all things fantasy – Dragons (and other Dragon-type things) have been dealt with rather severely – to the epic detriment of some, and the betterment of others. These models now operate under a combined profile. All of a sudden an elf wizard can have T6 and 6W and feel like a boss. Heavily armoured warlords, however, will wistfully remember how much harder to kill they are on a cheap buck-toothed donkey…


For me the balancing act is not quite right. To take this close to home, a Vampire Lord is, frankly, stupidly easy to kill on a dragon. And that is not a good thing – because we like Dragons (even when they pull attention from The Wall or Kings Landing… oh wait, that’s not specifically relevant here, though let’s face it R+L=J…).


Of course, as ever, it is easier to criticise than to propose a solution, all I know is I am not sure this really works.

Weapons


The powers behind T9A have worked hard to make the most basic of weapon types attractive. As mentioned, shields are now frankly incredible. Other beneficiaries are the humble sharp poky stick (that now is lethal against cavalry (at last!) and effective against armour) and the holding of two sharp pointing things (that now gives you an initiative boost). Furthermore, the likes of crossbows no longer suffer from the (frankly unrealistic) inability to fire if you move – rather, it’s just harder to do. Little touches that won’t affect everyone, but help to build up levels of tactical options and force real choices from players – I still don’t know the best way to arm a skeleton.

Buildings


The cause of much consternation over the years, builds appear to have been dealt with by two basic factors – assaults on buildings can continue into subsequent turns (which just makes sense) and units are no longer stubborn in buildings – making them, to my mind, a rather tarrying place to be…

Special Rules


After all this – the foundations – have been laid, the real rules, in my mind, are contained in the magic 10 pages found between pages 91 and 101. The nuances of the rules are all here – pretty much everything that matters is here, the rest just tells you when to use it. In fact, I would recommend players print these out and carry them with them (to games, though having them at all times is an option – it just may be an awkward conversation with your partner).


I won’t to get into them all (there are quite a few after all – arguably too many?), but to finish these off with my favourites:

Ambush – T9A makes a lot of use out of this rule, and it is one of the things that makes me love the game – it seems to add a true third dimension to the game. I just wish my armies had access to it

Fear is a big deal these days (not an auto-break kind of big deal, but a big deal nonetheless). Fear can not only make a unit ineffective in combat, it also reduces the leadership of enemy models by 1.

Lightning Reflexes is T9A’s version of the old game’s Always Strike First. No rerolls here, but a +1 to hit, which is, frankly, *massive* - especially when you factor in parry (and rules like Distracting) that make landing punches hard.

Multiple Wounds kind of do what they say on the tin – but the old D6 wounds is largely out of the way, replaced by the concept of Ordinance damage – that hurts bad, and *really* hurt things that go flap in the night.

Skirmishers now just work better than they did before, which is a Good Thing.





So… apologies foe the dryness of all that, it’s hard to review what in some (uncharitable) ways amounts to an IKEA assembly instructions. That being said, away from the nitty gritty of it all, what do I think of the game?


They do seem to have squared the circle nicely don’t they? Tasked with making a game that both appealed to a quasi-generation that grew up playing GW games – whilst making it cleaner and more competitive – and also made it a simple game that I feel a new comer could pick up easily.


Honestly, it came as somewhat of a surprise to me that the chained flying monkeys put to work by the Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} to create this tome managed to sort out the abstractions that in many ways ruined the cinematic experience of the old Warhammer games so well. The game seems to ebb and flow as one would expect a battle to do.


Sure, I like my characters more powerful than the average depicted here (in fact I will have plenty to say about power levels of individual armies in the coming weeks and months), but the game feels sort of *real* somehow.


Do I feel there is a real potential here, in the long term? The short term is sold – it is a spiritual successor to a game we all played, and the might of the ETC is behind it. The longer term is a whole other thing, and varies from country to country.


For me the pressure of this is entirely down to the authors and artistes that are charged with creating the world for this game to take part in – fluff, despite that derogatory phrase, is completely key. Being able to sell the world, to make people to transport themselves to a world where there is a reason why the armies are fighting – that is where the gold is. To draw a wider anomaly, there are plenty of game mechanics available for Napoleonic or Second World War table top games that could be transposed. The reason some companies have had such an impact on our lives for so long was the work on the setting.


The work for the long term is only just beginning, but signs from the early work on the Undying Dynasties is very promising. This is a credible, arguably incredible, start. Hopefully there is a Marvel-esque vision behind it all with a clear view of and where things should go, rather than the at-times accounting-led system that is popular online.


In short, as a ruleset, The 9^th Age is better than a game we all used to play, the much missed Warhammer Fantasy Battles, under almost every possible measurable metric. I’m excited to see where it all goes.





Until next time




Raf

Initial Impressions - Daemon Legions 0.99.2.1

It should go without saying that evil is far more fun than good.
Its why preacher’s daughters *will* run away with the bad boy, and why Captain America is so insufferably boring compared to Iron Man.

Logically, therefore, there is nothing more fun than the Demonic – the physical manifestation of the essence of that Big Bad of Judeo-Christian theology (to put a nicely Western lens on things – daemons of course harken back to way before then). Introduced into an otherwise normal setting (be it a book, a film or a tabletop wargame) their very existence puts the world’s disagreements in the quaintly petulant light they belong – there is a Big Bad coming for you, and he’s in a whole other weight class.


The theological juxtaposition, that the Big Bad’s existence is surely proof of the Big Good, always adds an interesting angle – the different ways in which these forces try to influence the mortal realms is at times awesome to consider. A lot of my favourite fiction ties into these themes – be it the guidance of the Tolkien Istari versus Sauron, the Emperor’s mysterious help versus the might of the Chaos gods in Games Workshop’s 40k fiction, and my personal favourite - Jim Butcher’s Knights of the Cross versus the Order of the Blackened Denarius in the Dresden Files.


Being a good Catholic boy, the daemonic has always been fascinating to me - though I stopped short of painting my nails black and sacrificing cats over black-waxed candles, and instead settled for a reading from Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedies at my wedding.


It is not surprising that a demonic presence ended up in the world of tabletop wargames.
When the shadowy Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} set their minions to the task of creating a truly evil power, it shocked no one that something demonic was shortly delivered. One of those universal truths I love so much is that games designers are into metal music - and where can a human being find the greatest concentration of demonically-inspired art, and unknowingly have their brains corrupted? That’s right, Metal album covers.


Inspiration



Somehow surviving the haze of stale ale, overly loud guitar solos and the manliest of man-smells, they set about creating a world were daemons were the vices of man made incorporeal flesh. Being gamers, rather than theologians (though it is hard to tell the difference when the ale is flowing), they divided these into the four great evils (seven is a *lot* more work, and really, who wants to look in the box?!).

Of course, the 9^th Age is a global community project, which explains how some virginal puritan somehow got involved (let’s face it, probably one of those Americans still not over that Superbowl nipple slip) and the hordes of the Big Bad were somehow themed on... M&Ms.

I mean, don’t get me wrong – I have seen those adverts, M&Ms are tarrying! Its just not where I thought they would go…


DAEMON LEGIONS

Army Wide Rules
Daemon Legions get further restrictions upon their army selection for having M&Ms the different colour to their General. Conversely, there are further bonuses that can be gained if all M&Ms are the same colour (I finally see what Van Halen were trying to do all those years…)

Daemons of the Dark Gods come in four distinct varieties, each with their own default bonuses:

• Blue (Change) get to have funky attack types and are more likely to get the spells they want.
• Pink (Lust) get to penetrate (…) armour better
• Green (Pestilence) get to be both Poisonous and have Regeneration
• Red (Wrath) get to be slightly stronger at the beginning of a fight (Daemons wind themselves quickly)

Wrath - bringing the pain!


Aspects are nifty bonuses the army can get, most easily if they are the same flavour as the General.

• Change shoot a bit further
• Lust penetrates more (………)
• Pestilence get to have their posion be super ouchy
• Wrath get devastatingly angry on the charge (still no cardio help for the poor guys)

Characters, being all boss mode and naturally hogging all the good stuff, get access to the Supremes (though with less Diana Ross than you might expect), and help out the posse they are hanging out with:

Change’s magic causes more pain
Lust get to penetrate quickly (...)

Pestilence get to grow back better
Wrath get to be really vindictive in that first turn (seriously, cardio guys!)

Armoury
Making life hard for everyone, those grumpy M&Ms don’t like sharing at all, and insist on having their own entries in the Armoury section:

Change:

Firebolts – S3 pew pew

Lust:
Barbed Claws – plus one to wound (nice!)
Elusive – can flee (such teases)

Pestilence:
Trial of Mucus - No one wants to hug them

Wrath:
Blood Swords – Lethal Strike
Hell Blades – S5 always (this count as cardio?)


Change


Magic Items
True to their (frankly racist) selves, the Daemonic Legions also insist on having their own magic items, and who are we to argue with the scions of the unknowable?

Time to take a forensic look at what the forges of Hell have created:

Weapons:
Eternal Sword – someone order a beatstick?
Mortal Blade – someone want to waste some points?
Dissolving Touch – battlefield body odour
Lash of Lust – sexy Indiana Jones
Aether Wand – charged up shock batton
Heart Seeker – helps you find their heart (see what they did there)
Blade of Grief – I guess the divinity of the blade mades the Daemon sad?
Trident of Torment – Coolest name going – eat that Aquaman!

Talismans:
Iron Hide – guess?
Nauseating Aura – pestilent pillow mist
Shackles of Reality – fancy name for regeneration
Brass Collar – angrily denies magic is a thing, insists it’s a trick
Veil of Shadows – the bearers hides behind a shadowy veil…
Blissful Bindings – it’s hard to hit someone when you are tied to a bedpost
Weaver’s Eye – a lucky charm to have around

Enchanted Items:
Blazing Wings – Guess? No, not tunnelling. You idiot.
Obsidian Horn – how is this not a Lust only item?
Hellish Crown –impressed, they will be
Black Orb – an edition and a game out of place
Token of Change – have a spell
Token of Lust – have a (different) spell
Token of Pestilence – have a (yes, different) spell
Portal Gem – ah, old school Undead BSB
Elixir Stone – I want to know how you store an elixir in a stone….

Arcane Items:
Mirror of Change – brutal daylight robbery!
Seventh Seal – old Swedish film
Soul-Bound Staff – for cowards
Scrolls of the Eight Pact – awesome name, gives access to the a la carte menu
Sorcere’s Lodestone – good for cardio
Skull of Cacophrax – they killed a dude from Asterix?!


Pestilence


So, it seems they have all sorts of toys, but what actual forces and a M&M Daemonic Legion General deploy to bend the mortal realms to his whim?

Lords:
Daemon Princes are a bit boring in all honesty. Its hardly their fault, but the Warriors of the Dark Gods shotgunned them first, so these guys are a walking, talking (and occasionally humming) breach of bro-etiquette.

The Weaver of Change make me think that operating a loom is a real good upper body workout. Four levels of magic (rarely seen these days) combined with a stat-line with, suspiciously, twice the number of 666s you would expect from any self-respecting daemon, this model can bring unit-destroying pain. Unless, of course, you face a lot of artillery and die all the time [let’s just go ahead and assume that last sentence is added to all my paragraphs going forward – artillery was made to kill puppies and ruin threesomes].

The Courtesan of Lust is, I believe, the fastest combat character/monster in the game? If you have a shot, make sure you put here down – I am not sure you will get a second.

The big fat green Father moves deceptively quickly for, well, a big fat bloke (I mean, really – it’s faster than an Elf). Fittingly, its more resilient than the others.

The Scourge of Wrath is aptly named (he, one assumes, spends a lot of his time scourging around the place). A combat beast of few (any?) equals, he is a polite chap and can bring the pain to you if you are feeling slightly lazy.

Heroes:
The Daemonic heroes get a lot less screen time than their big-paycheck lords, which is sensible really – who *really* wanted to spend all that time with Hawkeye in Avengers 2?
The four varieties are as you would expect. They are you flag-carrying subordinates who helpfully buff their units. The one who gets the most screen time today is the Harbinger of Change, because he can ride on the back of a machine gun chariot. And this game does not have enough machine gun chariots.


Core:
The Dark Conclave of the Faceless ^{TM pending} have done a good job of making most core options underwhelming across all armies (unless you like Pyramids or Trees apparently, but that’s for another day). For Daemons, it is as you would expect:

• Horrors are weak wizards that can buy some pew pew
• Sirens are sexy, fast, promise to penetrate a lot (…), but are fundamentally weak
• Tallymen are slow, boring, and owned by everyone because someone in Germany once broke another game
• Slaughterers – cardio-lacking combat troops that hit hard(ish)

Lust - huba huba


Special:
I have grown to see the Special section as the ‘flavour’ of an army, and in this case the Daemonic Legions do not disappoint, the four M&Ms finally diverging somewhat.
Furies are daemonic harpies. Great, but you know, yawn.
For pyrotechnic fun, the Igniters are where its at – in the right army these guys can pump out a lot of 24” S4 shooting (literally no idea if worth the cost though).
Tired of being seen as the “pew pew” guy, Blue M&M also brought Sky Serpents to the party. An effective unit given its speed and durability to small arms fire – it even has pseudo pew pew, but don’t pigeon hole them, they are sensitive about that.
Pink M&M, being all lusty, got their penetrating sirens and put them on steeds with really long tongues (…). The fastest of fast cavalry, yours, for the price of your soul. They also get a chariot along much the same lines.
Sometimes quick and weak does not get the job done, and you have to fast and hard (...). In such times, put a call out for the Clawed Fiends. Stupidly fast but with the ability to actually hurt you, 50 points a model sounds a lot, but am not actually sure it is. Sexy beasts.
Offering a different type of sexy, the Pestilent Breasts are tough little blighters, but they underwhelm me slightly (I come from a generation that was traumatised by something rather similar in a different game).
Want cute little turd-children sneaking up on opponents and running amok? Plaguelings are yours – but remember, they are not just for Christmas.
Hellhounds are what you would expect from big bad Red M&M. Everyone is playing around being all cute, he gets a bunch of angry dogs, and has them ambush all up in your grill. Also being a traditionalist, he has a bunch of dudes riding Crushers. He calls them Crusher Cavalry - and is very proud of the name.


Rare:
In this section I always expect to find the true power of any fully operational battle stations an army may have lying around. Deamon Engines seem to fit the bill – massive monstrosities with decent protection, solid combat output and access to all sorts of weapons (including that most terrifying of things, the Flame Thrower), this boy can be a massive issue for a lot of armies to deal with.

Change gets a bro-nod for having machine gun chariots – this is a Good Thing.
Ever looked a chariot and thought “meh, that’s nowhere near big enough”? Pink M&M had one of those days, and ended up with a Shrine of Temptation. No idea if it’s any good, but playing Mario Kart with models on a table is always good right?


Wrath was never one for subtlety




Is it just me or does a Carnal Chariots sound flat out kinky? Pinky was up to it again, and this time thought a chariot may be cooler if it was the wrong way round. Opinions remain divided.
Not wanting to be left out of the zooming around and having fun game, Green M&M got some really fat flies and told some people to stand on them. Blight Flies are tough little blighters, but in all honesty I am not sure they cause quite enough damage.

Gamer rage is a thing. It’s a funny thing, unless it happens to you (seriously, I can no longer be trusted to play any FIFA game). Poor old Red M&M had the same issue with Mario Kart. He went off in a sulk into his shed at the back of the garden, coming out some time later (long enough to make sure he was missed, but not long enough for his siblings to worry – he’s nice like that) and proudly showed off his new red chariot. He called it the Blood Chariot (yes, he is proud of that name). This bad boy can have a cannon or a Flame Thrower - sod relying on turtle shells!.
Thinking that pew pew may be a bit Blue-ish (and therefore dull), big Red also designed a combat buffing altar to aid with slaughter (you guessed it, he called it the Altar of Slaughter…). Not being remotely scientific, he somehow created a machine with the most situational combat buff ever seen on a tabletop game though…




Daemons need friends too

And there we have it – the mighty warhost of the naughty people.

The issue even trying to make sense of what is good (other than appreciating that their Lords can punch people pretty hard) is that the fundamentals of the book are so good, it skews the whole picture.
It’s hard to quantify the extra layer of effectiveness being unbreakable and having a 5+ ward on every model in the army brings to the party. If you roll a lot of 5+s, this army is brilliant, that's for sure.

The army exists in a weird place – the nature of the various Daemon types is that they are designed to be used in conjunction with each other – there are the pew pew ones, the fast but fragile ones, the hard hitting ones, and the more durable ones. For thematic reasons (and I *always* approve of thematic rules) however, generals are encouraged to take self-restrictive lists that try and excel at one thing above others. This should, hypothetically, result in two things: a rock/paper type army that can run over some things, and secondly, lots of spam. And spam, despite what our American colleagues will tell you, is not nice.

In summation, I am not entirely sure how I feel about the Daemon Legions.

For me, the physical manifestation of the Big Bad should be absolutely terrifying, and this is not an emotion I feel broadly when looking at this army (admittedly with some very notable exceptions). This does not mean that the army itself cannot be highly effective (as mentioned, the fundamentals are good, and little in it seems *bad*).

For me, Daemons fall in that same slightly depressing camp that plays home to my feelings on vampires. I think they should be notably better – and of course appropriately more. It’s a design philosophy not shared by the dark powers that be alas.

On the plus side, it’s a universal truth that quantity is a quality all of its own.

I appreciate that my view of the army being ‘fine’ is rather anticlimactic. But then, I'll be the first to point out, what the hell do I know?

The truth of the matter is that the world is just waiting for a German guy to design a list for the ETC, at which point the world will start screaming at the brokenness of it all (and of course copy it).


After all, if there are any universal truth you can really count on, it is that the Germans make good beer, play football annoyingly well, and get a real kick out of ruining everyone’s fun.




But anyway, how scared should we be, when all you need is the greatest song in the world?


Until next time


Raf