Its why preacher’s daughters *will* run away with the bad boy, and why Captain America is so insufferably boring compared to Iron Man.
Logically, therefore, there is nothing more fun than the Demonic – the physical manifestation of the essence of that Big Bad of Judeo-Christian theology (to put a nicely Western lens on things – daemons of course harken back to way before then). Introduced into an otherwise normal setting (be it a book, a film or a tabletop wargame) their very existence puts the world’s disagreements in the quaintly petulant light they belong – there is a Big Bad coming for you, and he’s in a whole other weight class.
The theological juxtaposition, that the Big Bad’s existence is surely proof of the Big Good, always adds an interesting angle – the different ways in which these forces try to influence the mortal realms is at times awesome to consider. A lot of my favourite fiction ties into these themes – be it the guidance of the Tolkien Istari versus Sauron, the Emperor’s mysterious help versus the might of the Chaos gods in Games Workshop’s 40k fiction, and my personal favourite - Jim Butcher’s Knights of the Cross versus the Order of the Blackened Denarius in the Dresden Files.
Being a good Catholic boy, the daemonic has always been fascinating to me - though I stopped short of painting my nails black and sacrificing cats over black-waxed candles, and instead settled for a reading from Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedies at my wedding.
It is not surprising that a demonic presence ended up in the world of tabletop wargames.
When the shadowy Dark Conclave of the Faceless TM pending set their minions to the task of creating a truly evil power, it shocked no one that something demonic was shortly delivered. One of those universal truths I love so much is that games designers are into metal music - and where can a human being find the greatest concentration of demonically-inspired art, and unknowingly have their brains corrupted? That’s right, Metal album covers.
Inspiration
Somehow surviving the haze of stale ale, overly loud guitar solos and the manliest of man-smells, they set about creating a world were daemons were the vices of man made incorporeal flesh. Being gamers, rather than theologians (though it is hard to tell the difference when the ale is flowing), they divided these into the four great evils (seven is a *lot* more work, and really, who wants to look in the box?!).
Of course, the 9th Age is a global community project, which explains how some virginal puritan somehow got involved (let’s face it, probably one of those Americans still not over that Superbowl nipple slip) and the hordes of the Big Bad were somehow themed on... M&Ms.
I mean, don’t get me wrong – I have seen those adverts, M&Ms are tarrying! Its just not where I thought they would go…
DAEMON LEGIONS
Army Wide Rules
Daemon Legions get further restrictions upon their army selection for having M&Ms the different colour to their General. Conversely, there are further bonuses that can be gained if all M&Ms are the same colour (I finally see what Van Halen were trying to do all those years…)
Daemons of the Dark Gods come in four distinct varieties, each with their own default bonuses:
- Blue (Change) get to have funky attack types and are more likely to get the spells they want.
- Pink (Lust) get to penetrate (…) armour better
- Green (Pestilence) get to be both Poisonous and have Regeneration
- Red (Wrath) get to be slightly stronger at the beginning of a fight (Daemons wind themselves quickly)
Wrath - bringing the pain!Aspects are nifty bonuses the army can get, most easily if they are the same flavour as the General.
- Change shoot a bit further
- Lust penetrates more (………)
- Pestilence get to have their posion be super ouchy
- Wrath get devastatingly angry on the charge (still no cardio help for the poor guys)
Characters, being all boss mode and naturally hogging all the good stuff, get access to the Supremes (though with less Diana Ross than you might expect), and help out the posse they are hanging out with:
Change’s magic causes more pain
Lust get to penetrate quickly (...)
Pestilence get to grow back better
Wrath get to be really vindictive in that first turn (seriously, cardio guys!)
Armoury
Making life hard for everyone, those grumpy M&Ms don’t like sharing at all, and insist on having their own entries in the Armoury section:
Change:
Firebolts – S3 pew pew
Lust:
Barbed Claws – plus one to wound (nice!)
Elusive – can flee (such teases)
Pestilence:
Trial of Mucus - No one wants to hug them
Wrath:
Blood Swords – Lethal Strike
Hell Blades – S5 always (this count as cardio?)
Change
Magic Items
True to their (frankly racist) selves, the Daemonic Legions also insist on having their own magic items, and who are we to argue with the scions of the unknowable?
Time to take a forensic look at what the forges of Hell have created:
Weapons:
Eternal Sword – someone order a beatstick?
Mortal Blade – someone want to waste some points?
Dissolving Touch – battlefield body odour
Lash of Lust – sexy Indiana Jones
Aether Wand – charged up shock batton
Heart Seeker – helps you find their heart (see what they did there)
Blade of Grief – I guess the divinity of the blade mades the Daemon sad?
Trident of Torment – Coolest name going – eat that Aquaman!
Talismans:
Iron Hide – guess?
Nauseating Aura – pestilent pillow mist
Shackles of Reality – fancy name for regeneration
Brass Collar – angrily denies magic is a thing, insists it’s a trick
Veil of Shadows – the bearers hides behind a shadowy veil…
Blissful Bindings – it’s hard to hit someone when you are tied to a bedpost
Weaver’s Eye – a lucky charm to have around
Enchanted Items:
Blazing Wings – Guess? No, not tunnelling. You idiot.
Obsidian Horn – how is this not a Lust only item?
Hellish Crown –impressed, they will be
Black Orb – an edition and a game out of place
Token of Change – have a spell
Token of Lust – have a (different) spell
Token of Pestilence – have a (yes, different) spell
Portal Gem – ah, old school Undead BSB
Elixir Stone – I want to know how you store an elixir in a stone….
Arcane Items:
Mirror of Change – brutal daylight robbery!
Seventh Seal – old Swedish film
Soul-Bound Staff – for cowards
Scrolls of the Eight Pact – awesome name, gives access to the a la carte menu
Sorcere’s Lodestone – good for cardio
Skull of Cacophrax – they killed a dude from Asterix?!
Pestilence
So, it seems they have all sorts of toys, but what actual forces and a
Lords:
Daemon Princes are a bit boring in all honesty. Its hardly their fault, but the Warriors of the Dark Gods shotgunned them first, so these guys are a walking, talking (and occasionally humming) breach of bro-etiquette.
The Weaver of Change make me think that operating a loom is a real good upper body workout. Four levels of magic (rarely seen these days) combined with a stat-line with, suspiciously, twice the number of 666s you would expect from any self-respecting daemon, this model can bring unit-destroying pain. Unless, of course, you face a lot of artillery and die all the time [let’s just go ahead and assume that last sentence is added to all my paragraphs going forward – artillery was made to kill puppies and ruin threesomes].
The Courtesan of Lust is, I believe, the fastest combat character/monster in the game? If you have a shot, make sure you put here down – I am not sure you will get a second.
The big fat green Father moves deceptively quickly for, well, a big fat bloke (I mean, really – it’s faster than an Elf). Fittingly, its more resilient than the others.
The Scourge of Wrath is aptly named (he, one assumes, spends a lot of his time scourging around the place). A combat beast of few (any?) equals, he is a polite chap and can bring the pain to you if you are feeling slightly lazy.
Heroes:
The Daemonic heroes get a lot less screen time than their big-paycheck lords, which is sensible really – who *really* wanted to spend all that time with Hawkeye in Avengers 2?
The four varieties are as you would expect. They are you flag-carrying subordinates who helpfully buff their units. The one who gets the most screen time today is the Harbinger of Change, because he can ride on the back of a machine gun chariot. And this game does not have enough machine gun chariots.
Core:
The Dark Conclave of the Faceless TM pending have done a good job of making most core options underwhelming across all armies (unless you like Pyramids or Trees apparently, but that’s for another day). For Daemons, it is as you would expect:
- Horrors are weak wizards that can buy some pew pew
- Sirens are sexy, fast, promise to penetrate a lot (…), but are fundamentally weak
- Tallymen are slow, boring, and owned by everyone because someone in Germany once broke another game
- Slaughterers – cardio-lacking combat troops that hit hard(ish)
Lust - huba hubaSpecial:
I have grown to see the Special section as the ‘flavour’ of an army, and in this case the Daemonic Legions do not disappoint, the four M&Ms finally diverging somewhat.
Furies are daemonic harpies. Great, but you know, yawn.
For pyrotechnic fun, the Igniters are where its at – in the right army these guys can pump out a lot of 24” S4 shooting (literally no idea if worth the cost though).
Tired of being seen as the “pew pew” guy, Blue M&M also brought Sky Serpents to the party. An effective unit given its speed and durability to small arms fire – it even has pseudo pew pew, but don’t pigeon hole them, they are sensitive about that.
Pink M&M, being all lusty, got their penetrating sirens and put them on steeds with really long tongues (…). The fastest of fast cavalry, yours, for the price of your soul. They also get a chariot along much the same lines.
Sometimes quick and weak does not get the job done, and you have to fast and hard (...). In such times, put a call out for the Clawed Fiends. Stupidly fast but with the ability to actually hurt you, 50 points a model sounds a lot, but am not actually sure it is. Sexy beasts.
Offering a different type of sexy, the Pestilent Breasts are tough little blighters, but they underwhelm me slightly (I come from a generation that was traumatised by something rather similar in a different game).
Want cute little turd-children sneaking up on opponents and running amok? Plaguelings are yours – but remember, they are not just for Christmas.
Hellhounds are what you would expect from big bad Red M&M. Everyone is playing around being all cute, he gets a bunch of angry dogs, and has them ambush all up in your grill. Also being a traditionalist, he has a bunch of dudes riding Crushers. He calls them Crusher Cavalry - and is very proud of the name.
Rare:
In this section I always expect to find the true power of any fully operational battle stations an army may have lying around. Deamon Engines seem to fit the bill – massive monstrosities with decent protection, solid combat output and access to all sorts of weapons (including that most terrifying of things, the Flame Thrower), this boy can be a massive issue for a lot of armies to deal with.
Change gets a bro-nod for having machine gun chariots – this is a Good Thing.
Ever looked a chariot and thought “meh, that’s nowhere near big enough”? Pink M&M had one of those days, and ended up with a Shrine of Temptation. No idea if it’s any good, but playing Mario Kart with models on a table is always good right?
Wrath was never one for subtlety
Is it just me or does a Carnal Chariots sound flat out kinky? Pinky was up to it again, and this time thought a chariot may be cooler if it was the wrong way round. Opinions remain divided.
Not wanting to be left out of the zooming around and having fun game, Green M&M got some really fat flies and told some people to stand on them. Blight Flies are tough little blighters, but in all honesty I am not sure they cause quite enough damage.
Gamer rage is a thing. It’s a funny thing, unless it happens to you (seriously, I can no longer be trusted to play any FIFA game). Poor old Red M&M had the same issue with Mario Kart. He went off in a sulk into his shed at the back of the garden, coming out some time later (long enough to make sure he was missed, but not long enough for his siblings to worry – he’s nice like that) and proudly showed off his new red chariot. He called it the Blood Chariot (yes, he is proud of that name). This bad boy can have a cannon or a Flame Thrower - sod relying on turtle shells!.
Thinking that pew pew may be a bit Blue-ish (and therefore dull), big Red also designed a combat buffing altar to aid with slaughter (you guessed it, he called it the Altar of Slaughter…). Not being remotely scientific, he somehow created a machine with the most situational combat buff ever seen on a tabletop game though…
Daemons need friends too
And there we have it – the mighty warhost of the naughty people.
The issue even trying to make sense of what is good (other than appreciating that their Lords can punch people pretty hard) is that the fundamentals of the book are so good, it skews the whole picture.
It’s hard to quantify the extra layer of effectiveness being unbreakable and having a 5+ ward on every model in the army brings to the party. If you roll a lot of 5+s, this army is brilliant, that's for sure.
The army exists in a weird place – the nature of the various Daemon types is that they are designed to be used in conjunction with each other – there are the pew pew ones, the fast but fragile ones, the hard hitting ones, and the more durable ones. For thematic reasons (and I *always* approve of thematic rules) however, generals are encouraged to take self-restrictive lists that try and excel at one thing above others. This should, hypothetically, result in two things: a rock/paper type army that can run over some things, and secondly, lots of spam. And spam, despite what our American colleagues will tell you, is not nice.
In summation, I am not entirely sure how I feel about the Daemon Legions.
For me, the physical manifestation of the Big Bad should be absolutely terrifying, and this is not an emotion I feel broadly when looking at this army (admittedly with some very notable exceptions). This does not mean that the army itself cannot be highly effective (as mentioned, the fundamentals are good, and little in it seems *bad*).
For me, Daemons fall in that same slightly depressing camp that plays home to my feelings on vampires. I think they should be notably better – and of course appropriately more. It’s a design philosophy not shared by the dark powers that be alas.
On the plus side, it’s a universal truth that quantity is a quality all of its own.
I appreciate that my view of the army being ‘fine’ is rather anticlimactic. But then, I'll be the first to point out, what the hell do I know?
The truth of the matter is that the world is just waiting for a German guy to design a list for the ETC, at which point the world will start screaming at the brokenness of it all (and of course copy it).
After all, if there are any universal truth you can really count on, it is that the Germans make good beer, play football annoyingly well, and get a real kick out of ruining everyone’s fun.
But anyway, how scared should we be, when all you need is the greatest song in the world?
Until next time
Raf
