Whilst the estimable Jane Austen
may have been somewhat mistaken in her belief in what a wealthy single man is
likely to want, she would undoubtedly agree on that other universal truth: Chaos
Infernal Dwarfs are not a real army.
As with a lot of accepted truths,
pointing it out over and over again seems rather passé.
This does not, however, make it
any less true.
Chaos Dwarfs are the by-product
of a serve-yourself Pizza Hut ice cream dispenser. Starting off with a base of
ice cream – nay, starting off with far more of the ice cream than you actually
need (the extra is effectively free after all) – and adding endless assortment
of mismatched toppings with little, if any consideration for style, substance or
taste. Getting back to the table, far from marvelling and the wondrous beauty
you thought you had created, you realise you have a bland tasting mess.
Social commentators would probably
site the existence of these infernal Dwarfs as a reflection of modern society’s
hunger to consume all with scant concern for the morality of it all. To paraphrase
the singular authority on moral quandary that is Dr Ian Malcolm, just because
you can, doesn’t mean that you should.
(Sure, he was talking about
breeding dinosaurs, but the parallels are clear.)
Bad Dwarfs (of the chaotic or
hellish variety) are basically a normal Dwarf army designed by someone (probably
called Timmy) who got bored of the design restrictions of Dwarfs, and decided
to add stuff that other armies have, because Timmy doesn’t like not having cool
stuff.
- Mummy, Magic seems to much fun! … added!
- Why can’t I have monsters?! It’s not fair! … added!
- These warmachines are sooooo boring, they just shoot things! … bigger, badder and wackier ones added!
- I hate my life! Johnny gets LOADS of goblins, I only get to use a handful of Dwarfs! … cheap chaff added!
*noticed Timmy is still very
quiet in his corner, ice cream melting on his face…*
- Sob! Johnny has horsihorsi , I wanna go clipeti-clop too!” … bull centaurs added!
Yes, it’s basically one of those
gross Sweet Sixteen parties where some snot-nosed brat starts crying because
their new car is the wrong shade of puce.
Anyway…
The 9th Age powers the
be (I like to visualise them moving around in dark cowls, a la Deatheaters)
have done their things with these chaps.
I hear that the concept of
sitting in a corner whilst shooting people a lot is still viable, so I guess
that counts as some degree of success.
Yay.
Taurukhs being able to be the
General is a cool thing to be honest, but that is more to do with Taurukhs
being cool.
Until next time!
Raf
No comments:
Post a Comment